Why Did My Marriages Fail Despite Istikharah?

By Mufti Muhammad Taqi Usmani

Question:

I am extremely perplexed and grieved concerning my present situation and Shaytan is also attacking me with various iman-endangering thoughts. Please can you answer my following question and put my mind at rest. I married a woman about 3 years ago. I went to see her and everything was done the Islamic way. i.e. I did mashwarah (consultation) and istikharah (and I saw good dreams and my heart felt content.) But despite the istikharah, etc… our marriage broke up after just a few weeks of living together, as it transpired that she was mentally unstable.

I married again this year, this time I was extra cautious and therefore did istikharah over a long period and begged Allah to guide me, as a result of which I saw many good dreams. I also had the dreams interpreted by a scholar who gave me the go-ahead. After that, I consulted with my superiors and they also gave me the go-ahead. But, again, this marriage has broken down in a short span of time.

Why is it that both my marriages have failed (through no fault of mine, I tried my best both times) even though I did istikharah and mashwarah both times and felt content at heart.

Please reply soon and put my mind at rest, I am losing hope and Shaytan is playing with my mind and making me doubt the words of Allah and his Prophet. (na‘uzu billah) Please reply soon. Jazakallah. A distressed brother in need.

Reply:

Istikharah is a particular form of prayer and the preferred way of performing it is that a person offers two raka‘ahs with the intention of istikharah, then recites the du‘a for istikharah which may be found in all books of supplications. The other methods of istikharah which are suggested by some people are not necessarily preferred. So far as the effect of istikharah is concerned you must observe the following points:

First of all, know that istikharah is nothing more than a normal du‘a in which a person prays to Allah Exalted to guide him to reach a right decision. It is not correct to presume that in response to an istikharah Allah gives an answer in the form of a dream. Similarly it is not necessary that a dream is seen after making an istikharah and even though a dream is seen by the relevant person it is not an absolute answer towards a particular direction because dream is not treated in Shari‘ah as a binding proof of something. The expected result of istikharah is that the relevant person himself makes a decision which is good for him in this world or in the Hereafter or in both. But just as the acceptance of other prayers depends on certain conditions the istikharah is subject to those conditions as well. If some of these conditions are lacking, it is not necessary that this prayer be granted

Second, to perform istikharah does not mean that a person abandons all other necessary enquiries. A person must carry out all efforts necessary to reach a correct decision even after making istikharah. If a person is content on istikharah only and does not make the required efforts to reach the correct decision he may fall into error.

Third, in this particular case the reason for breakup of marriages is not certainly known. It is possible that the marriage failed not because the decision to marry that woman was wrong but because the husband could not properly handle the marriage. In other words, it is possible that the decision to marry the woman was correct but the decision to divorce her was wrong.

Fourth, as mentioned in the first point in some rare cases istikharah does not prove to be fruitful in this world but it is certain to be fruitful in the world hereafter.